a guide for my comments sections
A lot of stroke support spaces on the Internet are held like free-for-alls. Like, “Had a stroke? We welcome absolutely anything & everything, with no limits and no discernment.”
And while I obviously have a personal stake in the stroke experience, and I have a lot of compassion for those who have been touched by it, what I do not have a stake in is people wandering onto the site that I design, build, pay for, invest my own energy & personal life force into creating free content for, and expecting me to cater to them no matter what.
In my experience of the “stroke resources” hubs on the Internet, what I have seen is an overwhelming outpouring of unconscious, entitled, inflamed, completely self-focused & disrespectful behavior. Literally on the day I’m sitting down to write this, I had come across an ad for a product I personally own and have publicly tested for my audience here, which was followed by a string of comments. Some comments, completely appropriate (asking user-related questions, sharing affirmations of their experiences using the product, etc.); some that seemed to simply be people publicly venting about their conditions in excessive detail. Seeing these comments reminded me of exactly the kind of behavior I am not available for in any context (stroke-related or not). One of my greatest values in living my life (which contributes to a depth of connection never possible without) is that of being personally responsible.*
We live in a time where people have access to the Internet and all the information they could possibly imagine (and beyond) is available to them. Not to mention the fact that most people (stroke survivor or not) are walking around with dysregulated nervous systems, especially in a post-2020 world. With this comes the consequence of becoming a breeding ground for entitlement and non-reception.
As the “host” of this website and its related resources, here are the boundaries as to how you are to utilize this space:
- if we do not have a personal relationship, we are not friends; I know I can be very warm and kind, but please do not imagine you know everything about my personal life
- you can consume all you want here, but you do not get to demand what gets served — if a certain post is not for you, move on to another or find a blog that’s more in line with your sensibilities.
- my comments section is not a playground for you to host your own agenda. Expecting me to hold unlimited space for whatever side-thing you want to talk about without my consent is (no longer) my jam. It is extremely disrespectful to use my site as a garbage bag; please do your best to be succinct.
- I am not available for debate. What I share on this blog is me sharing my own experience; if you don’t agree with the choices I’ve made, you are welcome to host that conversation in the pages of your own journal, at your therapist’s office, or on your own site/social media wall — not in my inbox or comments section.
- if you wouldn’t say it me to my face, keep it to yourself. Disrespectful commentary will be deleted.
- some leaders practice a “one strike, you’re out” policy. Since I follow my intuition above all, and I value building (quality) connection, my current stance will honor my own energetic capacities. What this means is if I feel a comment is off, I will either reply with a request, a reflection, or (depending on the severity of the infraction) deletion of the comment.
- all of this being said, if you are able to do so with your heart open in the softness and spirit of connection, you are truly welcome to ask for clarification wherever that might serve you.
I hold each of these boundaries with total rightness, and they will uphold the quality of the interactions here. I also reserve the right to amend & adjust these boundaries at any time.
*Personal responsibility is the practice of consciously holding yourself and your own behavior to account and to integrity. It’s too complex to illustrate on this boundaries page, but I may expand on it in a future post. If that happens, I will link it to this page for your reference.