[forgiveness friday] a sermon on patience

Impatience.

We all slip into it once in a while — some more than others.

There’s this thing with our energy, when it’s charged up in a flurry to meet some sort of outcome, that the last thing it wants is to be still.

I had a flashback during my meditation today, where I suddenly remembered that when I was in preschool, my class had a mandatory nap break in the middle of the day.

I usually never wanted the nap, because I wanted to do stuff! I wanted to connect with people, play games, anything but nap. So they spoke to my parents. Told them I wasn’t allowed to bring my pillow to school anymore because all I did during nap time was play with it and it was disruptive to the other kids who were actually trying to rest.

Though I did eventually end up hiding behind my writing especially in my teen years, and then the stroke hit at 19 and turned my entire life upside-down, this energetic and active, magical child that I once was is still alive and well.

Regardless, for a long time post-stroke, because suddenly doing anything took way longer than I felt it should, I reeeeally had to develop a capacity for generosity towards myself and the time I needed.

A few years ago, I traveled out of state with a small group of women on my business team at the time. There was supposed to be a shuttle to pick us up from the airport to take us to our hotel, and for some reason, the shuttle was running behind. We were to wait another 45 minutes to catch the next one.

I remember just how upset the entire group became at this news. Instantly, like awakening a sleeping dragon, the complaining began, and I stood beside them. I, however, was silent, and had to excuse myself to the bathrooms to find peace and quiet again.

Because for me, on any given day, 45 minutes can be how long it takes me to meditate and feel decent enough to get out of the house. I could take an entire 45 minutes to eat a meal — probably more.

The stroke taught me a lot of things, but above all, it forced me to sloooooow down.

Of course, I fought the slowness at first, but now, I sometimes will take myself to a coffee shop just to order a tea and enjoy my own company.

Not everything must be done so quickly, at all times. Of course, there are times I feel impatient too, but most of the time — and I’d venture to say even, every time — impatience is just a complete waste of energy.

It’s not kind; it’s not generous. It’s not all that effective, and it takes away the gift of the moment.

So when you feel tempted to rage at someone or something that’s taking longer than you’d prefer, take a breather. Do your best to take in what’s all around you. It’s here for you, supporting you, all around.

All is well. I promise.