I think about blogging nearly every day of my life, and the truth is I’ve been in a really long journey of rearranging elements of my life, my body, my home . . .

For instance, since November 2022 I’ve been in a longass process of getting myself re-enrolled in PT and OT — yes, more on this later — and there is finally light at the end of the tunnel. I’m on the schedule! (But not until late August.)

Since transition times require the most intention and mindfulness, I am not going to commit to writing in here with any sort of definable regularity quite yet. However! I am willing to show up when the energy is available and in the form it wants to come through.

What that means is the format may change; I may not sit down and write out a 10,000-word essay every time I post. Some posts will be in micro form; some will be photographic, perhaps a simple video here or there. I haven’t yet gone into detail on this on any of my blogs but for a few years now I’ve been in a deep dive around living my Human Design, which is an ongoing experiment. 

The piece I’m looking to play with here is around my undefined throat and how she needs a variety of ways to express!

Now that I’ve completed my little preamble, I’ll drop the one thing I came in here to bring to you today:

The medical model is pretty problematic; I’ve seen this everywhere in the US, I’ve seen it in Taiwan, I’ve even experienced it in Italy and witnessed it in the UK. It was alarming to me what went on in Australia during the height of the pandemic. Even in the countries that everyone projects has it so “great,” in my opinion that is still rooted in a foundation of a highly flawed system. Chances are if you’re a reader of this blog you have a lived experience of what I’m talking about.

But as much as the system sucks, there are small ways you can exercise your own sovreignty and agency.

The example most alive for me in this moment is in the arena of supplements.

If you’re concerned about the quality of your supplements (as I am), in an unregulated industry — a general rule of thumb is to only purchase your supplements either directly from the website of the company that makes them or from your medical provider. (If you’ve got access to a Full Script store, or another reputable dispensary, that could work, too.)

The irony of the fact that it is Prime Day today is not lost on me when I say this — but that same rule of thumb says to avoid ordering supplements on Amazon, because as of yet they haven’t really regulated who can and can’t sell supplements (and there can be a lot of dupes).

We generally try not to rely on Amazon for absolutely everything because we would rather invest in our local businesses when possible, but sometimes — under time or monetary constraints — Amazon can be of service.

What I did this week was I put my investigator hat on and found the “store” within Amazon that sells me a probiotic that I’ve been taking. I went on the official website of the company and contacted them asking them if this Amazon store was theirs.

They wrote me back right away and confirmed that it was in fact their store. This allowed me to relax and continue my subscribe & save with peace of mind. (And of course, come the day that our situation changes for the better, we can always make the swap back to ordering directly from the company.)

It may not be a groundbreaking, life-altering shift, but remember: We are only victims to navigating our lives if we choose to be.

Warmly,

Pamela

Today has been a huge exercise in surrendering to what is, for me. The word “surrender” can be super-scary for some people because there can be connotations of weakness and loss of control — but contrary to those stigmas, I’m here to tell you today that surrender is a sign of enormous strength.

In order to be able to relax into whatever is (whether that’s being in the hospital or losing track of your phone), you must be rooted in something much stronger than any physical problem. This is called faith — not always of the religious/spiritual variety, but it’s a deep inner knowing that no matter what happens, you’ve got this.

Today, before I could write you, my computer had a little graphic freakout, and I had to check it in overnight at the Apple store.

Soooo much of my life and my work lives on that computer! Not to mention it’s primarily where I write. Knowing in my core that I’ve got this, I chose to instead write you this from my phone. (Thank goodness for all the technology that supports me!!)

It’s not how I preferred to post today, but at the end of the day, I’d rather deliver you a message rather than just give up hope. I know where my heart is and why I created this blog, so I release any guilt or any frustration I had over the mishap. I release my attachment to how I wanted writing today’s post to look and I’m doing what I can that’s aligned with my heart’s desire.

Your resourcefulness will win any war you have with your circumstances. Know that any problem you’ve got, it’s only the fight against what is that creates stress and fear in your experience.

Instead, try dropping the fight. Believe me, as a recovering rebel-without-a-cause, it can feel counterproductive, but you are so much greater than any of your problems. I believe in you.

Remember, you’ve been through a stroke and SURVIVED. Everyday issues ain’t got nothing on you. Now, I really have to go and eat!

Have a wonderful weekend.

All love,Pamela

PS. Two requests — if this speaks to you, please share it with someone you love who could use it/let me know in the comments. And lastly, please send some supporting healing vibes and prayers to our family. It may be a little spotty for a while given the fact that someone in my family is having some serious medical issues right now and I’m going to be exercising active surrender while that’s going on. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You guys, I loved going live yesterday. I was a #hotdangmess — furreal, my surroundings looked like they’d exploded and the only presentable place I could find to record myself was in front of my white curtains, and then I was over 10 minutes late to the redo after I had to delete the abruptly ended broadcast I originally did — and since I had to do it twice, I got to watch a whole lot of me rambling to see what worked and what didn’t.

This was me leaning into my own yes: Inspiration had hit on my way home in the snowstorm to doing a livestream instead of writing a post, and though going live is always intimidating, I knew that challenging myself to do so would change things up in an interesting way and build up a muscle that I’d like to develop.

I’m extraverted by nature and loooved performing as a child and young adult. But because I began to hide from the world post-stroke, mainly because for a long time having had the stroke was a source of shame for me, I really stopped doing a lot of things I actually loved. It wasn’t necessarily conscious, of course, but I stopped dancing, theatre, sports. Stopped wearing things I wanted to wear so that I could feel safer walking around or safer being seen.

So doing a live broadcast is actually exciting for me. There’s no one making me do it, but it’s aligned with the way I enjoy expressing myself. That’s where my yes lay.

Hiding out is no fun. It feels . . . flat, uneventful. Like I’ve purchased a front-row seat to someone else’s show, someone else’s life. I don’t get to participate, be an active creator in what’s going on.

To be sure, hiding is a useful tool at times. Hiding out from the Inquisition in 1500s Spain when you’re secretly a Jew? Probably an actual lifesaver. But hiding who I really am from the world when there are people who need to hear some truth told to them in the way I deliver it? Who’s that in service to? My inner scaredy cat, and no one else.

Part of this yes naturally comes with a sense of danger, of thrill. There was no real voice of resistance, other than, “I don’t want to have to do this every single week. I know how you are.”

Ha. By the way, did I forget to mention that the voice of resistance (i.e., the ego) is very tricky, and VERY clever? Of course she is. She’s you, designed to protect you by holding you back — and if she weren’t a tricky trickster, you’d get the best of her every time.

Give thanks to her. Acknowledge her for trying to protect you, and then work with her to find a win/win.

So I’ll address the elephant in the room: Am I going to do FB Lives on the regular now that I’ve had this win? Now that I’ve done two in one day(!)?

I don’t know yet. I still need to have a chat with my Resistance, but I can’t say for sure. I’ll keep you posted.