I have been a bit absent of late — and it isn’t like how I used to neglect the blog, only to crawl back a month later and say, “Oops, sorry. I’m back now, promises! Okaybye” just to disappear again.
I actually have been undergoing an extended period of expansion, unfurling parts of me I have never known, and then, contraction because that’s just the nature of the Universe. And then I expand again, and repeat. Even those I know in person have begun reaching out, asking where I’ve been. I explain that I’m well, really well, just a bit messy right now. (It’s a good messy, though — like how a room always gets worse before it gets better when it comes to tidying.) I’m not going through a breakdown, but I am in the process of awakening. Even my craniosacral healer last week told me my cells were busy at work integrating.
Anyway, before this spirals into the world of “woo,” I wanted to more specifically explain that at least this month of November, I’ve been making room to write daily, as part of National Novel Writing Month (better known as NaNoWriMo). I’m not working on a novel, but since the aim is to complete 50k words, I’ve been exploring what parts of my childhood, adolescence, and new adult life have really made me who I am. I’ve been doing this because it helps me “organize” in a tangible way the layers of my beingness, and this allows me to know how to move forward. This work will be invaluable in my life and relationships as well as any future writing I do (including here!).
As part of WriMo, I have been running a mini-group of fellow NaNoWriMo challengers, and I wanted to share what I revealed to them today:
I’m noticing, in utter awe and fascination, how much power is within the written word when I uncover the most uncomfortable truths from my memories and shed light on my own darkness.
I’ve cried more tears in just these past few days than in the rest of the year combined, and I’ve had trouble falling asleep because more-more-more just wants to channel through. My soul has been awakened and I’ve come more alive because I’ve shed the pen-as-my-sword. In this practice, there are no swords and shields, no armor, just visceral, pulsing truth.
If for whatever reason I decided to stop NaNoWriMoing now, the nearly 6,000 words (why, yes, I am behind :)) would be enough to sustain me until 2016. I’ve actually bared my soul on the page, and I feel a new sense of freedom now that the burden of my load has been put down.
So that being said, it has become increasingly important to me to address the topic of self-expression on this blog. Not as a general concept, but as a revolutionary way for you, as a stroke survivor, to become your best advocate without alienating or making others wrong, and getting your special (and sometimes just very human) needs met.
Originally, I was going to make November all about gratitude. Giving thanks and appreciation has, of course, a tremendous impact among conscious human beings, but at least for now, my focus is on the power of vulnerability, of raw truth, and expression.
Strap yourself in! It’s going to be a wild (sometimes scary!) ride.
Do you journal? What is your experience like? Leave a comment below sharing what it’s like for you to express yourself on the page.
To our healing,