The first full day of Haven, the whole team was going on a field trip. We were to have breakfast at 8.15am, and load into the vans to take off by 9.30.
I’m not typically up before 10am, and it usually takes me at least an hour from cracking open my eyelids to dressed and ready to be seen, even if everything is in place from the night before. I also have a tendency to move in slow motion in the early mornings, as it takes me a little bit to flush the sleepiness out of my body.
Knowing that, I’d half-jokingly asked my friend Heather to come wake me up if she didn’t see me at breakfast. I was in my bathroom, a contact lens on my finger, when she came knocking. She’s a single mom of two children, so she knows how to insistently wake up a sleepyhead!
I’m legally blind without corrective eyewear — no exaggeration — and I needed to find my lens. I had 15 minutes before we were scheduled to leave.
When Becky, our hostess for the retreat, came by to ask me if I’d like her to bring me some breakfast to go (such a sweet lady!), she began helping me search, too.
I just knew the others (as much as I love them) were probably unhappy about the holdup, and I later found out that Heather had made a point to remind them that I was clearly in a time of need and deserved a little grace.
I point this out after my lesson on Rafikiing my life because grace is the product of embracing the wholeness of yourself.
I ended up finding the lost lens on my doorknob! (#duh) Though we were probably a little bit late to leave that morning, I don’t feel guilty about having had everyone wait for me.
I hadn’t lost my contact lens intentionally, and finding it made the difference between a fully present experience at the retreat and one that involved consistent physical discomfort.
There’s this prevalent concept that is especially rampant in women, one that means we have to express guilt (or judgment) over getting our needs met. It’s this way of making a personal insult out of being “flawed.”
“Flawed” is such an illusion, anyway — as much as this will ruffle the feathers of any type-A personalities reading this — because what it really is is the unmatched expectations of a behavior between two entities. When others (not just in my business team, but many people in general — and they are rampant!) expect you to be a certain way, and you simply don’t meet that expectation, they perceive you as flawed.
When others expect you to be a certain way + you don't meet that expectation, they perceive you… Click To Tweet
When I would expect myself to perform at a certain level, and I didn’t, I then created the same illusion of myself.
Understanding this is only an illusion — that the whole of me does not need to be made guilty by anyone (especially myself!) was the key to lifting the burden of guilt and continuing to Rafiki my life, not apologizing for my very existence.
We are all perfectly imperfect, and I think leading the #StrokedUp life only emphasizes that. My colleagues didn’t give me any grief once I emerged, triumphant. It turns out they were capable of giving me the grace I needed, too.
Did this lesson ring true to you? How will you use grace to no longer paint the illusion of flawed humanity onto yourself and others? Drop a line in the comments below and we’ll talk.
To our healing,