I had a profound discovery last Friday. While journaling that morning, I realized that I often have a tangle of thoughts in my head jumbling me up for what feels like hours, days — even turning me into the kind of person that just obsesses over philosophizing or whatever is bothering her. “I’m too in my head,” I’d tell people. “I need to somehow channel that energy in my head down into my body.”
Since the next free Red Tent Revival event is around the corner (and I recommend all women participate), long story short, part of what I’ve been doing in this extended absence — huge apologies for abandoning you!! — is plugging into the Pleasure Tribe, which is an online community of enlightened women banding together to learn about multiple facets of womanhood. The leader of our tribe is a woman named Kristin Sweeting Morelli, who established her multi-million-dollar brand on the principle that “everything is energy.” (Her iTunes Podcast of the same name was second only to Oprah’s back in the day.)
Part of the reason why I signed up to join the Pleasure Tribe is because I was interested in reclaiming by body and reconnecting my mind with it. I was feeling too “heady,” and I wanted to shift my focus back into my body.
But the huge realization I made last week was this: The tangled mass of thoughts I constantly had in my head reminded me, energetically, of the tangled mass that once was my AVM, which used to reside in my brain!
Could it have been that I’d been holding on to that energy all this time? This July, it will be 11 years — that’s quite a while to cling on to something that no longer serves me, don’t you think?
I had a lot of trouble wrapping my head around this. I didn’t even know the AVM existed until it caused my stroke — how could I be so attached to it?
When I began writing this post, I realized it would go on for far longer than should be contained in one single blog post, so I’m breaking it up into different parts. For now, I’d like you to ponder these questions and ask yourself whether you’ve been somehow hanging on to the memory of what happened to you — when you or your loved one had a stroke — and whether this energetic attachment serves you anymore.
I call this Forgiveness Friday for a couple reasons. When I realized I was holding on to the energy of my AVM, it occurred to me that perhaps in order to truly let go of it, I needed to acknowledge it and forgive it. Sounds crazy, but this led me to a pretty profound evening that day (more on that later — promise).
Second, a lot of us see Fridays as the end of the week. The end of the week is a great time to reflect back on how far we’ve come and what we’ve gone through. It’s an excellent point to reflect on what’s brought us here. Many times, when I think about what I’ve done, I can get tripped up on my mistakes or things I should have done differently. To me, this signals it’s time for me to forgive myself of my own stumbles, and begin to move forward with the lessons they taught me.
Share your thoughts in the comments below, and never fear — last Friday was too monumentous for me to be a flight risk again. (I have plenty to share with you tomorrow about the #loveyourbody #6whealthy challenge I started this week, as well.)
Have a great weekend!
To our healing,